dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you had me at cake vodka
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i think my cat just said my name.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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