It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
