also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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