we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
