Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
