I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize