very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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