I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
