i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
