I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Mom said you looked used
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
