Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
