I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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