Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
