I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
