I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
