dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
