i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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