She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
