I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
