You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
