So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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