he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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