am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
