Moan for me like Helen Keller
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
