We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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