I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
