if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
