I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize