my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
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