What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
