hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
