That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
