do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
