Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
