My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
