she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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