I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
