Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
