god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
