Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
