I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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