So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
