You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
