I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
