the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Still dying that you shit outside
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
