My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
