Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
