two words...techno handjob
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
