So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
