peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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