When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
