My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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