dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
