Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
